Chapter 280 — Self-Examination

Song Yan nodded in satisfaction and said, "Wait for me in the study."

Yan Che gave a soft laugh and watched Song Yan push aside the curtain and enter the hall, then turned and made his way to the study.

The night had been a long commotion, and they had only settled down near dawn. Everyone was exhausted, yet because guards stood watch outside, they slept more soundly than usual—so soundly that Suxin did not start awake until Song Yan stepped into the resting chamber.

"Who's there?" she demanded in a low, wary voice. Sulan was startled awake as well.

When she saw it was Song Yan, Suxin let out a long breath, her whole body going slack. "So it's the Heir Apparent!"

Thank goodness she and her sister had slept in their clothes, fearing someone might come in.

Suxin counted her blessings silently and rose with Sulan to salute Song Yan.

Song Yan kept his eyes fixed straight ahead, gave a slight nod, and went directly into the inner room.

Sulan's mouth fell open. "Sister," she whispered, "after the young lady marries him, why does he act like that? He won't be cold and distant with her too, will he?"

"Shut up." Suxin truly did not know how to discipline this sister of hers. "Him, him, him—is that any way to speak of him? How many times have I told you to call him 'the Madam's husband,' and you never take it to heart! You're eighteen this year—do you still think you're a child? If you keep disobeying, I'll have the Madam send you back to Zhending, so you stop running wild and making trouble for her!"

Sulan pouted.

Suxin could not help but sigh.

In the blink of an eye her sister was already eighteen, and still no match had been settled for her... It was time to start discussing a betrothal... Once the Madam was less busy in a few days, she would bring the matter up with her...

She instructed Sulan, "Since the Heir Apparent has returned, the Madam will be up and washing soon. Have someone prepare hot water." Then she rolled up the bedding and carried it back to their room.

Dou Yan did not have Suxin's alertness; she was sleeping deeply.

Song Yan stood by the bed, studying Dou Yan closely.

She lay on her side, her fine skin like the first snows of winter, her flushed face like the plum blossoms of early spring—even the air around her seemed to drift with a chill that nonetheless left one feeling serene.

Song Yan crouched down gently.

Dou Zhiwei's brows were thick and dark, the corners of her eyes slightly upturned, lending her a look of pride that was nonetheless exceedingly beautiful.

He had never known her eyes were so lovely.

It made him think of their times of intimacy, when she looked at him with rippling light, like the shimmering spring radiance of the third month...

Song Yan felt his body stir with excitement again.

At a time like this, he was not thinking of how to comfort Dou Yan. His mind was filled instead with fancies of being with her.

Song Yan cursed himself inwardly and suppressed those thoughts that should not have arisen, yet could not help gently touching her brow.

Dou Yan was startled awake all at once.

She blinked, a drowsy bewilderment in her eyes like that of a child caught off guard.

Something in Song Yan's heart gave a sharp pang.

Who is born ruthless and decisive?

It is only circumstance that forces it upon a person.

Dou Yan's life in her own family had already been hard enough; marrying him had brought her no happiness or peace—instead she had to live in fear and worry alongside him, worse off than she had been at home!

If Dou Yan had hesitated even a little then. If Yan Che and the others had arrived a moment later, and Dou Yan had fallen prey to those thieves—what would have become of things then?

The mere thought of it made his fingertips go cold.

"You're awake!" Song Yan said, his voice a little hoarse, and reached a hand under the quilt to take Dou Zhiwei's hand.

Once Dou Yan saw clearly who it was, her expression eased. "You're back!" She was too tired to bother getting up, and simply lay there talking with Song Yan.

With such a thing having happened at home, Song Yan appeared untroubled on the surface, but he must surely feel wretched inside.

She answered him and clasped Song Yan's hand in return.

Song Yan buried his face in the quilt.

"I'm sorry—it's all my fault... I failed to handle things properly... This will never happen again... I swear..."

The bedding gave off a faint, nameless freshness that seeped into his lungs, making Song Yan's eyes sting and grow wet.

Dou Yan sighed to herself, unsure whether to praise Lady Jiang for raising Song Yan to be so outstanding, or to chide her for raising him so rigidly—whatever happened, Song Yan would always be the first to search for fault in himself.

But in this moment, gazing at Song Yan's ink-black hair and his rather dejected look, she sincerely wished he did not always have to be so strong.

If now and then he were a swaggering, domineering young master, perhaps she would feel a little better seeing it.

"How is this any of your doing?" Dou Yan said, her tone light and casual. "I heard from Master Yan—it was a band of desperate men from Cangzhou. They'd heard my dowry was rich, and that's why they risked everything..."

Song Yan lifted his head, the corners of his eyes faintly red. "If I had enough prestige, why could I not overawe such petty villains? When all is said and done, it is my own lack of ability that kept me from protecting my wife and children..."

To keep blaming himself like this would only drag him deeper into despair.

"Enough, enough," Dou Yan chided. "This whole mess started with my dowry—or to be blunt, with that one extra chest of silver drafts my father slipped in at the last moment. You have no idea how the rumor has spread outside. They say that chest held two hundred thousand taels, and that is what drew the wolves. Master Yan has already sent word to my father, and knowing his temper, he will come racing here. If you say such things to his face, he will blame himself even more bitterly than you do... What is done is done—what good is self-reproach? You had better start thinking about how to mend the fence before the sheep are all gone! Right now, every time I think of those nineteen bandits still out there somewhere, my back goes cold and I cannot sit still." She steered Song Zhi's gaze away. "Yantang, you must take charge of this yourself. I do not trust anyone else to see it through. And besides—I have also gotten hold of the Yingzhen Ducal House's tally," she said, and her voice quickened with excitement.

Compared with the careful scheming of her last life, Dou Yan rather liked the high-handedness she had now.

She simply sat up and said, "In a little while I mean to summon the household's serving women and have a word with them. If you can afterward confirm that the house is secure, we can quickly establish our authority here—and even if my father-in-law gets wind of this and comes rushing back now, it will be too late. What do you think?"

Seeing her wearing only an undergarment, Song Yan first draped a short jacket over her shoulders, and only then said, "Rest easy. When the Emperor learned of this, he flew into a thunderous rage. He gave me a sword that the Founding Emperor once wore and told me to get to the bottom of this. I cannot stay in the manor every day. Nor can I simply leave you here in the Yingzhen Ducal House." As he spoke, his expression gradually hardened, and a flash of cruelty crossed his eyes, lending him a grim look. "Those thieves must all be found, and last night's affair must be answered for."

In his last life he had killed too much. What Dou Yan feared most was that he would walk that road again.

She counseled him: "Pay no mind to those who do not matter. Do not let them ruin your name."

"I know!" Song Yan smiled faintly, and in the morning light it was a thing of boundless beauty.